June 1: Osaka, and the world's worst pillows

June 1

I liked the Cross Hotel in Osaka very much. But their pillows are like tumor-filled rocks. Go, but BYOP.

June 1 consisted of wandering. We didn't make it to the castle. We should have, but we didn't.

First we went to Den Den town, which is supposed to be for electronics, but we didn’t see much electronics. What we saw more of were cell phone merchants, DVD stores, modeling stores (as in plane and car models, not John Casablancas retail outlets).

And porn. You know what? I was going to post a picture of one of the posters, but then I reconsidered because people at work were going to see it. And then I realied that our stupid work filters will edit out all photos anyway. So here you be (not safe for work if you have a workplace without a filter):

Yes. That's a catcher. No, we didn't photoshop that. Yes, it's on the naughty bits on the other posters, too.

People are going to ask me about Love Hotels. Yes, we saw them. No, I didn’t find the one that I wanted to explore that sounded the weirdest (S&M merry go round?). We walked by a bunch of them…but honestly? Got kind of skeeved. I didn’t feel like spending the $ to go in and take photos, and when you kind of don’t want to touch anything, it’s probably going to diminish your ardor.

But they are hilarious even from the outside. There was one called “The Broccoli.” No joke. I am kicking myself for not at least taking a photo of the sign. There is a whole district of them (love hotels, not broccoli). Some nice cars, too; they put a board up in front of the cars that obscures the license plate. Pretty awesome.

Speaking of oddities, Little Bo Peep is big in Japan. We saw quite a few folks all kitted out in peep wear. In every city. No joke.


We were going to buy some Engrish shirts, but honestly, 1) they were really expensive, and 2) most of them weren’t weird enough. They were all very Green-friendly (hello, I can find that in super-green Portland and usually in the proper syntax) or surf-based (and I don’t ever want to surf so what’s the point). Surfing. Surfing is huge. They love that California surf aesthetic. Do people surf in Japan?

So we came home with no tangible Engrish, though we did take some photos here and there. Because we're too cheap to spend $80 for a t-shirt with nonsense English.

I just love this. We gouge you every day! But it's not enough! And then we raise the prices some more! For you, our customer.

Hey Mormons, so that's what it stands for?

I'm not sure which entrances me most: the singular "bun," the random apostrophe, or the frantic exclamations. I think you need all three.

Osaka looks cool at night:

We went to dinner at the sake restaurant that was on Bourdain's No Reservations. Yeah. We're Stuff White People Like that way. It was good. I wouldn't call it great--some pieces were great, but sone pieces we got were "OMG I have to eat this because they are looking at whitey." It was not expensive, and I thought it was friendly (though Justin disagrees). It is teeny tiny. It's about the size of my jetta. The albacore, though, was so freaking good that I want to make an albacore house that I can eat my way out of. I would totally do it in like, seconds.

Sidebar again: You can get some odd stuff in vending machines in Japan (measuring cup-sized sake, beer, hot food, cold food, trinkets, fried food, noodles, but I think the underwear machines are folklore.

We met up with a friend at the end of the trip (get to in a sec), and he lived in Tokyo for almost a decade and didn’t see them (I don’t think he actively looked for ‘em but who knows).

Everyone has heard of them but I don’t know anyone who has ever seen them. Are they like unicorns?

Onto June 2. I'se tired, I am.